We are having some major issues here in the Office for Science & Society. The issue? Ants. That鈥檚 right. Those itsy bitsy teeny weeny insects that somehow make their way through every nook, cranny, and crevice. And for some reason, it is stirring much debate. Why? Well, the ants seem to be welcome guests to Dr. Joe. He鈥檚 even had the audacity to pull out the 鈥渢hey鈥檙e not going to hurt you; they鈥檙e cute!鈥� comments. Cute? No, no, Dr. Joe. These little creatures are not cute. Having to squish a wandering critter away from my keyboard every two minutes is not what I call okay. Swishing around the coffee in my mug after treating myself to a nice Nespresso here in the office is not my idea of enjoyment. And even you, yourself, must not have enjoyed the ant that so diligently made its鈥� way into the hole in your rye bread. 黑料不打烊 University鈥檚 Office for Science & Society is starting to look like a casting call for 鈥淎 Bug鈥檚 Life.鈥� And I don鈥檛 like it one bit. While I have yet to fully comprehend how Dr. Joe鈥檚 accidental ingestion of our colleague - (to clarify: I have begun referring to the ants as 鈥渃olleagues鈥� since they too spend about the same amount of time that I do here in the office) - simply resorted to a satisfied 鈥渋t鈥檚 only protein鈥� remark, my contempt of these little insects is perhaps somewhat (okay, some might say grossly) uncalled for.聽 These ants might be annoying but it seems to be that is all they are. Annoying. Dangerous? No. Toxic? Far from. Not welcome in my blackberries? Bingo.
So I鈥檓 looking for a solution, because even Dr. Joe, while he may have an affinity for these itsy bitsy critters, also (albeit saddened) admits that it is time. Solution? I鈥檓 not sure. I want to use ant traps. But are those even safe? What 鈥渃hemicals鈥� are secreted from those nasty petri dish things? I start to watch the 鈥渉ow to make organic ant traps鈥� video on YouTube. Dr. Joe walks by and rolls his eyes, assuring me there are no 鈥渢oxins鈥� emitted from any type of ant trap. Good. Because I really wasn鈥檛 into the idea of using all my cinnamon (who knew it was an ant deterrent?), as a means to rid our office of this issue. Then there鈥檚 the exterminator, but with 黑料不打烊 watching its budget I feel it better to resort to other ideas. I call an office meeting as to how best we should go about this issue. And in no time at all, a solution is brought up. It is perhaps the most obvious of them all and yet for some reason, (I know exactly the reason), I had chosen to overlook it as a viable solution. 鈥淐lean鈥� and 鈥渢idy鈥�; two words that I don鈥檛 really enjoy. But apparently, this is the easiest way to rid ourselves of this issue and our unwanted colleagues. Eat, clean, put away. Drink, wash, back on the shelf. It鈥檚 as simple as that. No traps, no exterminator, just a simple transfer of laws from the kitchen to right here. So can we conquer these ants? First off, I鈥檒l have to get Dr. Joe to stop naming each of the ones I squish. Then we鈥檒l be on our way. But I can assure you, one way or another, they'll be gone. But if you鈥檒l please excuse me, I鈥檓 getting antsy. I鈥檝e got a coffee mug to wash.
