I was excited to see that the prompt for this season鈥檚 submissions was 鈥渨ell-being,鈥� because I felt like I had things to say about this topic. But it didn鈥檛 take much preliminary writing to see a pattern of thought emerge which was far more concerned with the idea of improving one鈥檚 self rather than finding wellness for the self. This conflation didn鈥檛 surprise me. On the contrary, it was familiar to me 鈥� a place I had operated from for a long time. How can I get higher grades, how can I be healthier, how can I know and do more, etc. But I鈥檝e come to learn that it鈥檚 a troubling thing to confuse wellness with improvement 鈥� and in the end, this belief sets you on a path that can鈥檛 earnestly lead you to either.
As soon as we make improving ourselves our sole priority, we begin to operate off the logical basis that we鈥檙e 鈥渘ot there yet.鈥� And while self-improvement can be a healthy and realistic space to motivate certain goals, it鈥檚 also a deeply fraught place to seek wellness. Sure, we all need things to strive for 鈥� that is certainly a part a full life of wellness. But when you live in the space of 鈥渘ot there yet鈥� it can start to sound an awful lot like 鈥渘ot good enough yet.鈥�
Soon, this habit of confusing the two in my pursuits became a sure way of limiting the self, when I was trying to nourishing it! And while it鈥檚 true that I couldn鈥檛 really imagine my life (or myself) without the idea of 鈥榮elf-improvement,鈥� it can never be the foundation for being 鈥渨ell.鈥�
The true backbone of wellness, in my opinion, is acceptance; the practicing of persistent awareness and acceptance of the self as is, in any moment. Because we can鈥檛 become any more than we are if we aren鈥檛 already enough.
So, I did get a C on a paper last semester, and no 鈥� that friend didn鈥檛 keep my confidence, and yes this eternal winter does have me so far in my feelings that my hopes of seeing daylight again are waning. But really, all of that is okay. As it turns out: a C, one less friend, and overcast skies are enough 鈥� and it鈥檚 up to me to say so. So here鈥檚 what I pose to you: surrender as far as you can into acceptance (and maybe a little ways into vulnerability, too), and see if wellness doesn鈥檛 surface. In fact, see if all things in your life, including your goals of self-improvement aren鈥檛 made the better because of it.
Wishing you wellness.
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